I cried today

I cried today. Big, bold tears. I started and could not stop.  They came on suddenly,  I was aiming for something else but it didn’t happen.

I was aiming to thank, to offer support, to show love, to give commardarie in the toughest of times, to demonstrate leadership. 

But instead I cried.

I cried for the loss, so much loss.

The loss of parents.  The loss of children. The loss of community and connection. The loss of control. The sheer amount of demands placed on those who shoulder the burden of care.

On this day.

This day celebrating women. Their strength,  courage,  independence,  resilience. I cried because you can have it “all” but still struggle and be scared, and feel.

It was a once in a lifetime flood. A deluge of snot, despair and helplessness.

Too much had happened.

Too much had been given.

There had to be a finality.  An ending to the constant giving, supporting, enduring.  It couldn’t continue.

And then what?

There was light.

There was a hand offered.

There was an acknowledgment and a sharing of grief.

Tomorrow we start again. Trusting in our faith, knowing that we act in love, honouring and respecting all whom we strive to build relationships with.

I cried today.

I might cry tomorrow